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Rich get richer: Tyra Banks, Sarah Palin announce new books

May 12, 2010

Tyra Banks: Novelist

Sometimes the only reaction to publishing news is: “Really?” As language effervesces, this term has burbled to the top as an all-purpose expression of gobsmacked stupefaction: Sarah Palin and Tyra Banks have new books planned. Really?

Palin’s publisher announced yesterday, according to The New York Times,  that the former vice-presidential candidate and resigned Alaskan governor’s second book, due out in November, will be titled: America By Heart: Reflections on Family, Faith and Flag.

Really?

I suppose Palin will next declare her support for puppies, sunshine and daffodils. Or maybe Mom, apple pie and baseball. Or, with apologies to Tom T. Hall, little baby ducks, old pick-up trucks, slow moving trains. And rain.

The book will be a “celebration of American strengths and virtues,” reports Reuters. And here I was expecting an analysis of the financial meltdown or an historical investigation of conservativism from Edmund Burke to Ronald Reagan.

Palin is said to be partly inspired by “some of the extraordinary men and women she admires,” and partly by the $8 million advance she received for her first book, the autobiography Going Rogue.

In fairness, Going Rogue has sold more than two million copies since it was published last November, a gaudy number, indeed, and: Good for you, HarperCollins! Who says traditional publishers are in trouble? May this blockbuster’s profits finance the cultivation of young literary talent (ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!).

HarperCollins won’t say how big an advance Palin received for the new book, which will include selections of writings that have inspired her.

Really? Sarah Palin reads?

As for Tyra Banks, the supermodel, actress, talk show host, and reality show host has signed a deal to write a series of fantasy novels set in the world of modeling, reports the L.A. Times.

Really?

The first of three novels will be titled (drum roll, please!): Modelland.

Really?

Banks, who apparently writes during coffee breaks from her four other careers, has already completed the first book, says her publisher, Delacorte Press.

Really?

The novels are set in an academy for models called “Intoxibellas,” described by Delacorte as “the most exceptional models known to humankind,” who may have superpowers. A group of ordinary girls is accidentally transported to the school. Adventures, I presume, ensue.

In what we can only hope is not an example of the prose style in the novels, Banks writes on her website: “It’s for all the girls and guys who want a lot more FANTASY in their lives…  and some fierceness and magic, romance and mystery, crazy and wild adventures, and yeah, some danger too.”

Modelland, Banks promises, “takes you to a fantastical place you’ve never seen, or heard about, or read about before.”

Really?

Any similarity to a little fantasy series featuring a magical school and a kid named Harry Potter is purely coincidental, I suppose. LIkewise the use of the name “Bella” in “Intoxibella” has absolutely nothing to do with a certain moderately successful young adult series featuring vampires and werewolves.

Really.

Please let me know if anyone out there plans to purchase either of these products. I think I’m going to go lie down now.

45 Comments leave one →
  1. May 12, 2010 11:59 am

    I heard about Palin’s book yesterday and just about died laughing when I read the title. I love your comment “I suppose Palin will next declare her support for puppies, sunshine and daffodils. Or maybe Mom, apple pie and baseball. ” Hilarious!

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 5:45 pm

      Thank you. Facing this news so early in the morning put me in a grim mood, indeed. I had to find the humor in it, or else move to Nova Scotia.

  2. rachel permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:07 pm

    Really?

  3. rachel permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:08 pm

    Purchase them? You are out of your mind!

    $8 million?

    Really?

    That does sound awful inspiring.

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 5:49 pm

      Well, Delacourte and HarperCollins think someone is going to purchase these products (or perhaps we should think of them as “packages,” as I’m quite certain each project has an entire team–writers, editors, marketers, designers, make-up artists and who knows what — at work). Two million suck– people bought Going Rogue….

  4. rachel permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:08 pm

    My brain doesn’t even know what a million dollars is. It thinks of million as an abstract concept.

    • Tommy Smart permalink
      May 12, 2010 12:29 pm

      Here is a picture of a million pennies, if that helps:

      http://www.kmoser.com/onemillionpennies/

      • rachel permalink
        May 12, 2010 1:54 pm

        No, it doesn’t really though. It just makes me more confused. There’s one million pennies in there?

        Really?

      • Tommy Smart permalink
        May 12, 2010 2:36 pm

        If I believe the people at kmoser.com and financialjesus.com, than yes, it is a million pennies.

        But, really?

        Who is going to count them to make sure?

        One million pennies at a Jewish Community Center?

        Really?

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 5:49 pm

      It’s just about the amount required to pay off the loans of someone with a recent bachelor’s degree from an Ivy League college or university.

  5. Tommy Smart permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:31 pm

    Jacob and the Smoke Monster are twin brothers?

    Really?

    The advance on the new Palin book must be really embarrassing.

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 5:50 pm

      I’m guessing the Smoke Monster’s name is Esau.

      • Tommy Smart permalink
        May 12, 2010 7:50 pm

        You’re not alone in that guess.

        Problem is, Esau was a ginger and the first born. Who is Job? The Man from Tallahassee or the Teddy Bear?

        I really liked the resolution of the Jin-Sun story arc, yet Jin has been thought dead a couple of times, so he may be back.

  6. Candice Simmons permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:40 pm

    Really? This all just makes me sick. So disgusted, I can’t think of a thing to say, clever or otherwise. Really!

  7. Sean permalink
    May 12, 2010 12:40 pm

    Palin was in the sports anchor program at Intoxibella U. I think she got expelled for partying.

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 6:03 pm

      “Intoxibella” — I’m not sure about my etymological research, but doesn’t that mean something like “drunken babes”?

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 6:18 pm

      Sean — you didn’t appreciate my Tom T. Hall shout out?!?

  8. Candice Simmons permalink
    May 12, 2010 2:50 pm

    Yeah, really.

  9. Chauncey Mabe permalink*
    May 12, 2010 6:04 pm

    Indeed. Really.

  10. John Karwacki permalink
    May 12, 2010 8:59 pm

    Really? Everyone who said really has really said everything I have to say about this subject, truly.

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 12, 2010 10:58 pm

      As always, a late comment of wit and clarity from Mr. K.

  11. Chauncey Mabe permalink*
    May 12, 2010 11:04 pm

    Tommy — Yes, I know the Jacob-Esau thing is messed up by the fact of Jacob being born first. Also by Esau being most beloved by the Mom. But it’s still the closest myth I can think of to what we saw on Lost the other night. Either Cuse and Lindelof are getting it wrong, or they’re working from a more obscure myth, or (as I fear) they don’t care. Job is not relevant to the Jacob-Esau theory, as he’s in an entirely different part of the Bible.

  12. May 13, 2010 9:04 am

    Really? (I can’t help it, I’m sorry).

    I am more shocked that Tyra Banks’ books are going to be fiction.

    • Chauncey Mabe permalink*
      May 13, 2010 10:40 am

      It was your turn, don’t apologize. Very funny, about Tyra’s books being fiction. Bravo.

  13. May 13, 2010 9:04 am

    The Really Game is really fun though.

  14. Alejandra Pavich permalink
    February 24, 2013 5:40 pm

    The Emmy award nominated Tyra Banks Show will soon be heading to the east coast after spending its first two seasons out west. The Los Angeles based program will be taping season three at the Chelsea Television Studios in New York. This move is like a homecoming of sorts for the former supermodel. New York has always been considered as one of the top fashion meccas in the world. It was a frequent stomping ground of the former catwalk star during her modeling days. Banks was quoted as saying, “I’m thrilled to be moving to New York… I feel connected and completely at home.”,

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